Fall has arrived, so has some doubt

As you may have noticed I've changed the appearance of my blog. I figured with the fall season upon us now, we needed some fall colors around here so a template change was in order. It certainly doesn't feel like Fall here yet - yesterday's temperature was 93 - but soon it will be time to dig the jeans and sweaters back out.

Pretty quiet yet busy week here. Lots of work, homework, and today add house work to the mix. I had PT for my leg three times this week and next week will have 3 more PT sessions. I'm definitely seeing some improvement in that calf muscle so hopefully in the coming week the limp will be gone.

So far, so good with the BCPs. I'm not used to taking pills on a schedule (I take my prenatal vitamins daily, but whatever time I feel like it) so to make sure I don't forget, I have the alarm on my cell phone set for 7:15pm every night to take my pill. On Monday, we'll add the antibiotics to the mix so I think I'll just make it easy and take those at that same time.

I had a rough night last night...I laid in bed for what seemed like hours trying to meditate away the nagging feelings of doubt. Doubt that IVF will even work, doubt that I'm a good enough mother, doubt that I even deserve to have more children, doubt that DH would want to spend a lifetime with me if he can't have children, etc. Part of this I'm sure is quite normal and part I think is me still dealing with that negative email I got from a family member. It's kind of tainted things for me negatively and I need to just let that go and keep my positive attitude going.

So DH was his wonderful self and talked me back out of my doubt-filled funk. We don't know that IVF will work, but we have to try. I was never a perfect mom, but I love my children and there's no doubt about that. DH didn't marry me for children, he married me for me. And if having children together just isn't in our future, it's not going to change the way he feels about me. We'll just switch gears and enjoy our lives together - get our house, travel, etc. I felt so reassured by the time we were done talking, I drifted off to sleep peacefully. Thanks DH!