16w0d - Q&A and another bump photo

Today marks 16 weeks, YAY!! Wow, it really seems like it's going fast. And only 22 weeks to go!

I get asked a lot of general questions so for others that are curious, here are my answers:

• Do I have any food cravings? Yes, my major craving is cold fruit and really has been since the beginning of this pregnancy. Apples, citrus fruit (especially grapefruit), melons, berries. LOVE them all!
• Do I have any food aversions? Yes, cooked vegetables. I don't mind starchy cooked vegetables like potatoes (white or sweet) and corn is tolerable. But I cannot stand broccoli, carrots, peas, green beans or spinach. No cooked vegetables please! (And I normally serve some kind of cooked vegetable with almost every dinner so this is really an odd aversion for me?)
• How is my weight gain so far? I've gained around 4-5 pounds total so far. I'm ok with this amount and will be trying NOT to pile on the pounds over the next few months. I was overweight to start so I don't want to be a tank by the end of this.
• How am I feeling now weeks out from my TAC? Pretty darn good! The skin around my incision is still quite sensitive so I find that I have to wear over the belly maternity pants or my old jeans with a belly band. Under-belly maternity pants fall right on the incision and that is SOOO NOT comfortable. But that's really my only complaint.
• How does DH feel about my ever expanding baby bump? He LOVES it!! Whenever he sees me walk into the room he says "Honey, I just love that baby bump!"
• Any stretch marks yet? No new ones, though I still have plenty of old ones from 22 years ago. I'm faithfully using my Palmer's cream every day in hopes to avoid any new ones. Will keep you posted on this as my stomach continues to expand to the size of a small country.
• Will I work after the baby is born? Yes, but only part-time and will still work from home.
• Do we have names picked out? Yes, we've actually had names picked out for 2.5 years. We picked them out around the time I had my tubal reversal surgery done in 2008. DH was in Missouri on a mission and I was visiting him. We were sitting outside the hotel in his car and somehow we got talking about baby names. (I guess at this point we were oblivious to all we'd go through to get to have a baby to name and thought that a baby would be quickly arriving. Wow, we got handed a different deck of cards huh? But hey, it's all good.) Anyways, if it's a boy he will be Johan Diego and it it's a girl she will be Maribel Jordana. Now we just have to hope that the little one cooperates at our 2/22 ultrasound to see whether it's a Johan or Maribel. Until then, we like to call the baby a combination name like Yobel (only written here with a Y to give it that Y sound like Johan has) or Marihan.

So that's some general info for you. I'll repeat some of these Q's & A's further down the road. I unfortunately forsee the weight gain and stretch mark questions having different answers later on in the pregnancy, but will report my findings to you, no matter how ugly the answers are.

And now onto the baby bump pictures. Once I get a few more, I'll put them in a slide show. But for now, so you don't have to scroll back over old posts to compare the bumps, I'll post the 3 I've taken in order so you can easily see the progression.

Getting bigger, getting bigger. :-)

15w4d - Not a whole lot happening

Well, I'm 15w4d today but I have noticed if I logon here in the evening my pregnancy ticker has already moved to the next day. I guess my ticker is located in Europe somewhere so it's a few hours ahead of me here. If that gets me closer to my due date faster, I'm all for the European ticker.

Anywho, while extremely boring for my readers I'm sure, I am really enjoying the uneventful pregnancy week I've been having. Most of my excitement has come from crossing out another day on the calendar each morning (I'm one exciting gal huh?) But boring and uneventful is WONDERFUL compared to scared, nervous, anxious, and pessimistic. Hands down better!!!

So in baby news, DH surprised me with a pregnancy calendar over the weekend. I love it! I worked on it Sunday, putting stickers where they needed to be and making notes on important days. I must say I was really glad I had this blog going so I could refer back to some of those important dates like positive pregnancy tests, blood tests, ultrasounds, etc. Now it's all up-to-date and hanging in the kitchen to update & sticker as needed. Fun stuff!! And a big thank you to DH for my lovely gift!!

We ordered the crib, changer, dresser, and crib mattress and those arrived over the weekend. Most of our wood furniture around the apartment is black so we went with white for the baby's furniture. The bedding we selected on our Target registry is a pale mint green and dark brown so it should look nice against the white crib. Now I'm on the hunt for some cute wall hangings. Since we live in an apartment complex we're not going to be painting the nursery. But there are some scenic wall "clings" out there that I've been looking at. Just have to figure out which ones I like best. So those and a little artwork that compliment the bedding set might be just the right combo for our little guy or girl.

Other than that, we're just enjoying being pregnant. The bump is getting bigger (I'll post a new picture on Thursday when we hit 16w.) And the heartbeat is a lot easier to find now with our doppler. Originally we'd find it right near the pubic bone but now its getting closer to the navel and even I can find it quickly when I try solo (DH still finds it faster though.) But ahhh that beautiful 147 bpm yesterday was music to my ears.

Will check in again on Thursday...me & my big belly. :-)

15w0d - Uh oh, whiner alert

WOO-HOO, we've made it to 15 weeks!! We listened to baby's heartbeat on the doppler this evening because I've had a shitty day and really needed a smile. And yes, that magical sound brought a smile to my face. And now I'll start my bitching and whining.

Sorry, I generally try not to whine or complain too much but damn, I feel like shit today. For one - I really pulled something in my groin area yesterday. It's like round ligament pain but like ridiculously painful. Walking sucks, sitting sucks, laying down sucks - it's like a really bad burny pulled muscle feeling. And you know how it started? Because yesterday, dummy that I am, got up off the couch WAY TOO FAST. Note to self: You're pregnant. You cannot just get up from lying down on the couch to walking full stride in a single swift movement. You must first sit up, then stand up, make sure balance is in check, and then move forward. Fucking OUCH I tell you! I am such an idiot sometimes!

I'm also so damn itchy! My rash from my surgery has now turned into patches of eczema. Oh fucking joy! So it's a matter of trying to find an even distribution of prescription ointment, Gold Bond powder, Claritin, Aveeno baths, and scratching my skin until it bleeds and bruises. And to add even more intrigue to the mystery of my skin, the last few days I've had hives appear on my forearms in the afternoon. WTF???? I know, I seriously have no idea why they're appearing. I'm not eating new foods, using new products - nothing in my routine has changed. Yet each day I'll have 4-5 hives appear somewhere on my wrists or forearms and they appear around 3pm-4pm. They'll be there all evening and when I wake up in the morning they've nearly faded completely. Then later that day a new batch appears and the cycle repeats daily. I can't even begin to imagine what's causing them. Crazy stuff!!

I'm sleeping horribly - partially because I wake myself up itching from this damn eczema. The other part is I can't get comfortable. I know that's going to be a common theme until July being a pregnant woman, but right now when I lay on my side my belly hurts because it makes the area around the incision feel like it's pulling. I end up playing the toss-and-turn Olympics every night. So if I'm not awake itching, I'm awake peeing, or I'm awake trying to get comfortable. I'm up a minimum of 4-5 times a night doing one of these things. No wonder I've been exhausted lately.

Combined with my complaints above, work was a super sucky day (that seems to be the norm lately) and I wanted to rename my dog Mr. Misbehaving today. For some reason he thought that each walk of the day was going to be hours-long field trips to sniff around in the snow. So most of our walks consisted of him pulling me through snowbanks and me eventually dragging him back to the house when I couldn't take anymore (that damn painful groin had me limping along.)

Again, I apologize for my bitching but damn, I'm a big old miserable baby today. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. It will be Friday so that's got to count for something!

14w4d - Happy Anniversary to us!

Happy Anniversary to DH & me! Today we fondly remembered our Las Vegas wedding. Our friends D & A got married at the same chapel that day, two ceremonies before us. We flew DH's parents & sister out to Vegas so they could be there for our wedding or they probably would have killed us. And one of hubby's battle buddies came out with his girlfriend and a friend of hers so we had more friends to party with later that night. Vegas is definitely not "our kind of town" as we're not really gamblers and we're too frugal (ok, cheap) to take in the shows, but we did have fun. And it made for great memories. Today hubby brought home the beautiful flowers you see pictured here. My heart melted. Then we went out for dinner earlier this evening. Next year, we'll be asking for a high chair to go with our table for two so this was our last anniversary dinner for awhile where it's just the two of us. And that sounds great to us!

14w3d - Few more pictures for you

Despite the fact that I already published a really long post earlier today, I'm back on yet again but this time to add a few more pics.


The first is of me and my dear friend M. She, her DH & twin boys came to visit and I loved this picture of us. And the baby bump is definitely becoming more obvious. This pic from 14w2d.



Last week, I posted a pic of the baby napping on the u/s and I said it really looked like DH sleeping. Well, you be the judge.

Here again is baby sleeping:



And here is DH sleeping today:




Can't wait to get to take pics of daddy & baby together!

14w3d - Why I hate pregnancy message boards

Wow, what a long week this was! The pic above was from Thursday when I was 14w0d, but I've been too exhausted to write and post it until now. My plan this past week was to "ease" back into full days of work...YEAH RIGHT! My first day back I clocked 7.5 hours, the next day 8, the next 11, followed by 10, followed by 8.5. Being out for 3+ weeks meant there was a lot of catching up to do. So needless to say in addition to working, walking the dog, grocery shopping, making dinner, and day to day housekeeping, I couldn't even think of writing at night - my brain was just plain mush!

I did email my doc about the 6 week gap before my next appointment and he said I could come in for a visit in between if I'd like. But DH & I talked and we decided we're going to think optimistically and shoot for the appointment on 2/22. We know now from experience that if there is any issue or concern in the meantime, one phone call to Dr D is all it takes and he's quick to see us that day. So that really puts our mind at ease. And our little doppler to listen to the h/b is a godsend. God, it's so reassuring to hear that galloping sound a couple times a week! On 2/22, I'll be 19w5d and we'll get to have the "big" u/s, which means we should be able to find out if this little one is a boy or a girl. According to the poll on here, votes for a girl are still slightly edging out the votes for a boy.

So earlier in the week, I mentioned how I'm not a fan of pregnancy message boards. And this is quite sad to me as I've found great support and encouragement from a private tubal reversal message board I participate in and from the IVF board I participate in. There is a Pregnant After Treatment section on the IVF board, thank goodness for that, but as for general pregnancy message boards...ugh, I can't stand them and here's why.

• Argue, argue, argue - OMG, if you want to see grown women argue over things in catty and downright bitchy ways, just go to a pregnancy message board. You'll be sure to find what you're looking for. For example, if someone posts that they think they felt movement at 11 weeks - you'll see 20 people say "Yeah, me too!" and another 20 bash those posters saying it's physically impossible to feel movement that early. This leads to the rebuttal posts where someone's mother's sister's cousin's friend felt it at 10 weeks and she knows the difference between gas and fetal movement. Which leads to the counter-rebuttal that well, maybe if you're super thin and you've already had babies, MAYBE it's possible, but if you're fat, there's just no way. This will go on with pages and pages of replies. And that's just a single thread. Are you rolling your eyes yet?? Yes, me too!
• Ridiculous, idiotic posts - Some of the most common examples are those where a poster states that they have gas, their boobs are sore, and they are bloated. They want to know if people think they're pregnant. WHAT??? Go cough up $10 bucks at CVS and piss on a stick you idiot? How in the world would we know if they're pregnant. Oh, those make me roll on the floor laughing! One variation to this that appeared on a message board recently was where the poster had negative pregnancy tests, a negative pregnancy blood test, and an u/s that showed no pregnancy - yet she still is convinced that she's 12 weeks pregnant. Wow - that's one poster in need of some psychiatric help, pronto! My favorite reply to her post - someone told her well, I guess just wait until July and see if a baby pops out. Classic!
• Dumb chick posts - There are TONS of posts out there in this category. One recent example is from a poster whose boyfriend thinks her baby bump is gross. She writes how he thought this with their first baby also and constantly tells her how ugly and useless she is and he also doesn't want to have sex with her anymore. Most of the replies have the general theme that "girl, your dude is a dick!" More specifically they try to tell her that he's immature and it's terrible to have him speak to her that way, especially in front of their first child. What does original poster think of their advice? She calls the posters mean, she loves her man, and she's going to leave the board because all she wanted was support. WTF!?!? Apparently this chick has no idea what she wants, but she clearly doesn't want a good tall dose of honesty.
• Judgemental PITAs (Pain in the asses) - Do you care if your neighbor co-sleeps with their baby? Do you care if Mary Q Public formula feeds? Probably not. But holy shit do women like to pounce on each other for what they plan to do. The top hot button topics that people bash each other on are:

- Natural vs. medicated (epidural) birth - WTF do people care what another poster is going to do with their birth plan? I just can't figure it out. My first 2 children were born with only a shot of demerol in my ass cheek. I was not offered an epidural with either one. Does this make me some kind of birthing hero? HELL NO! If I were able to have a vaginal birth this time I'd be 1st in line for an epidural. Does that make me piece of shit? Well, if you read threads like this example - yes, many would shoot me down for my choice, but in my opinion - goodness no. If there is something that can make a woman more comfortable during the labor process so she can reserve her energy for the pushing part of labor, by all means it should be readily available. Now, since I have to have a c-section due to my TAC this debate is not applicable to me.

- Breastfeeding vs. Formula - On one side of the fence you've got the women who want nothing to do with breastfeeding and on the other you've got those doing breastfeeding protests at malls and some women who breastfeed their children until they're ready to go to kindergarten. Is the mother who chooses to formula feed an uncaring mother? No. Yes, it's true that breastfeeding passes on immunities to babies and it is the best food for them. But not everyone is able to breastfeed so lay off the criticism. With my children I did breastfeed for the first few months and supplemented with formula because you know what? Breastfeeding, while wonderful and I loved it, is pretty exhausting sometimes, especially when you've got little babies who like to eat constantly. What will I do with this baby? I do plan on breastfeeding and again I will supplement with formula.

- Circumcision vs not - OMG, this one has even been a battle between Facebook friends of mine lately. Wow, I never realized such heated arguments could start over the foreskin of a penis. On one side of the spectrum we have people hoping to convince Congress to make it illegal because it's barbaric. On the other side, people want to maintain their right to have their baby circumcised for religious, cosmetic, or personal reasons. I fall into place with the latter category. Circumcision (or not to circumcise) is a personal decision for a parent to make about their male child. If this baby I'm carrying is a boy, yes, he will be circumcised. And if you don't like that, guess what? You don't have to like it and you can walk away from this blog at any time.

- Co-sleeping vs. not - Again is this really a topic to debate? Wow, it always amazes me that people have so little going on in their lives that they feel the need to debate these issues with perfect strangers. So on the one hand we've got the pro-co-sleeping people who think it's fine to have children sleep in their bed (becomes more of a family bed) and those who think no, children can sleep in their beds and parents can have their private time in their own bed. I side with the latter. I'd like a good night's sleep thank you and a little private time with my husband (albeit we'll both be conked out from exhaustion.) I have no problem with co-sleeping, I just prefer to sleep without little feet kicking my head. Now, don't get me wrong there's always that bad dream night or a bad storm outside and on nights like those - I'll take the feet kicking my head. But not all of the time thank you.

Now these bullets and examples I give are just a brief glimpse at the insanity that these boards contain. Why do I go to them then? Well, it's kind of like a train wreck. I don't actually post or participate in these boards, but reading them is like watching a disaster of epic proportions - I just can't turn away. Sometimes it's like a soap opera, other times like a Jerry Springer episode. But there's always a thread that will make you roll your eyes and groan in disgust just one more time.

13w5d - Pics from yesterday

Well hello my friends! I'm doing pretty well today. Got a full day of work in, though I did need to lay down for my lunch hour...all that sitting at my laptop was not so comfortable. I slept a little better last night and walking the dog was easier (yesterday if he pulled on the leash too hard, it didn't feel so great.) All good stuff!

So as promised, here are some pictures from yesterday's appointment.

Our first glimpse of baby, laying on its side. Kind of looks like how DH lays when he naps on the couch.



Then it did its little dance for us and settled into a good position to do a measurement. This measurement measured 13w6d.



Another round of squirming and another measurement. This one 13w3d.



Lastly, we have a shot of my TAC. I wish we got one that easily showed the easily visible circle around the top of my cervix, but hey, we're spoiled by soooo many pics this pregnancy I really can't complain. In this photo, the arrows are pointing to the TAC. (Now do you see why I couldn't figure out what the u/s tech was looking at??)



In other news, I've felt funny feelings in the lower belly the last few days at random times. DH asked if I'm starting to feel the baby move, which is possible since they say women who have already had babies generally feel movements earlier. (I honestly can't remember exactly when I started feeling movement with my first two, but please don't hold that against me. My oldest is going to be 22 in less than a month and my youngest is headed towards turning 19 so I've lost a few memory cells since then.) But am I 100% sure my funny feelings were baby movement?? Not a clue! With my recent surgery making parts of my abdominal area feel numb-ish and other parts feeling sore, and gas pain, etc., I'm going to need to feel that funny feeling a lot more before I really believe it's the little one flipping around in there. But that confirmation could come soon and that's a really exciting thought.

I think later this week I'll also blog a little about why even though I've been a great fan of my tubal reversal and IVF message boards I am soooo not a fan of pregnancy message boards. They suck, but I'll leave that for another day. Until then, ciao!

13w4d - Yes, they were bullshitting

Staples are out! And my FB friends that said it's just a pulling feeling or that it tickled were completely bullshitting me. Ouch! Not pain that would cause me to scream (though the doctor jokingly let out a couple screams for me) but it is not a pleasant feeling. It was like a painful pinch 22 times. My best way of describing it would be like accidentally pinching already sore skin with tweezers, 22 times. Ouch! But they're out now and while my abdomen area is sore, the pully feeling from the staples is gone. Now I just have steri-strips over the incision for a few days and then the incision can just heal au natural.

Since my next OB visit would have been next Tuesday, Dr D decided to do all of the OB stuff at today's appointment and saved me a trip to Camden next week. So we did the routine stuff - weight, b/p, urine dip, questions I had, paperwork he had (since we'll now go on with him doing my OB care.) But before we did any of the routine stuff, we had our u/s and again just felt wonderful relief at seeing the little one. At first he/she was just curled up, laying on it's side. Then our little one started dancing away in there which of course made smiles appear around the room. Heartbeat was a healthy 150 and sounded magical. We're 13w4d today and one crown-rump measurement was 13w3d and another was 13w6d so baby is right on track.

We could also see the TAC on u/s - though for many minutes I seriously could not understand what the u/s tech was looking at...even as he was pointing it out to us. But in the end, in one view (as if we were looking at it straight on) it looked like a couple bright spots. In another view (as if you were to look at it from above) it looked like a perfect circle wrapped around my cervix. My cervix is holding up fine though once again I was thankful we had the surgery. The doctor was looking at the pics of today's u/s on his computer, making his measurements of my cervix and he turned to me and said "You really needed this surgery. You seriously have no cervix." Most measurements were around 2cm - some a bit more, some less, but no fantastically long cervix like you want to see in a pregnancy. Without the TAC, I would have worried every night wondering how much shorter my cervix was going to get and when. I'm so glad that no longer has to be a thought in my mind.

So now we have a LONG stretch with no appointments. We were going to do our next appt in 4 weeks, but they said if we stretched it to 5 we could do the big u/s then (and I'm hoping we can find out what the gender is then...ooh I can't wait.) But then when I got home and looked at the calendar I realized the appointment she gave me is 6 weeks away. So I'll call the regular receptionist (she'd stepped away so someone else helped me) and see if I need to move that up a week so we're at 5 weeks and not 6.

Tomorrow I'll post some pictures from today's u/s. I would it today but honestly, I'm beat. It was my first day back at work and 200+ emails and a handful of headaches later I just don't have the energy to scan pics. Instead, I think I'll just get my sore and newly un-stapled body to bed early tonight and dream of our little one dancing away in there.

13w3d - Griping about pain

Hi all! I'm plugging along through my recovery. Yesterday I overdid things a tad when DH got a call that his parents were currently driving through Connecticut on their way to see us. Surprise! So DH & I did a whirlwind tag-team housecleaning. He of course did the big ticket items - like making the bed in the guest room (soon to be nursery) after I threw the bedding in the wash, vaccuuming, etc. I stuck to dusting objects I could easily reach, putting away dishes, folding & putting away laundry...but still an hour's worth of activity like that and I was sore for the rest of the day. I was however thanking my lucky stars that our apartment is so small it seriously only takes an hour to clean it.


Today the lower back soreness I had from Cleaning Frenzy 2011 has gone away and I'm left with the familiar pain I've felt all week. How would I describe my pain? I would describe it as: "I just had my abdomen sliced open and my innards moved around and it hurts and the skin around my incision is slightly bruised and these staples feel all tight and pully and man, walking really hurts, and so does sitting and laying down, and damn I cannot find a comfortable position, and FUCK I can't wait until this feeling is a distant memory." Yeah, that's the pain I'm feeling. And I've had a lot of itching, not on the incision, but I've had a little rash. I think it may be from one of the meds I had with my spinal so I'll mention that to the doc when I see him. The rash itself has been getting better each day, but the itching is persistant. So while I tackle another day of pain and itchiness today, I'm both dreading and looking forward to tomorrow. Tomorrow is staple removal day.


Now, I actually had staples removed once when I was 14 or 15 years old (the second of my 5 ankle surgeries.) I remember that I didn't know they used staples until I'd gone back to the orthopedist, they removed my soft cast, and I looked down at my foot to see how the ankle looked. I thought to myself, well that thread looks shiny, almost metallic. Upon closer observation I discovered it was not metallic stitches but rather staples. I then wondered if I just left, would the staples just fall out on their own someday? That would work for me. But alas, I sucked it up and waited for the doc to come in and get the staples out of my ankle. Perhaps because I blocked out that portion from my memory banks or perhaps because in the end it really was uneventful, I really don't remember much about the actual removal, other than knowing it was not a pleasant sensation. Others are telling me now that tomorrow's staple removal won't be painful, that it will just be a pulling feeling. Are they bullshitting me or are they serious? I guess I'll find out tomorrow and I will report my findings to you.

Until then, hope you're all having a great weekend and thanks for reading my whiny, griping post today.

13w0d - 2nd Trimester has begun

13 weeks down - only 24 or 25 weeks to go! I am so excited to have begun the 2nd trimester of this pregnancy! In most cases, people feel that if they make it through the 1st trimester, they've made it through the riskiest part of the pregnancy. And in most cases they're correct. However, for someone with cervix issues, the 2nd trimester is generally when a pre-term loss occurs so I'm especially happy to be starting the 2nd trimester with my TAC in place. What a giant sigh of relief! All together now - SIGH. We've had some recent joiners to the blog so to briefly recap the TAC and why we decided to get one:

A TAC is a transabdominal cerclage. The surgery I had on Monday was a traditional TAC (vs. laparoscopic) so it was done via c-section like incision (which you all got to see a picture of in my previous post.) After the incision is made, the doctor moves the uterus & bladder out of the way and places a band around the uppermost portion of the cervix right below the uterus. This prevents the cervix from opening prematurely during pregnancy. Delivery will need to be done via c-section as the TAC will be in place forever. The c-section will need to be done around 37-38 weeks to ensure it is done before I go into labor on my own.

Why did we have this surgery? My first two children were delivered at term with no issue but after having my children I had a lot of procedures and surgeries done on my cervix. I had 2 LEEP procedures (where they slice off a portion of the cervix using a loop of electrical current), I had laser surgery (where they laser the affected areas of the cervix), and I had a cone biopsy (where they cut out a cone shaped portion of the cervix.) Needless to say after all of these procedures, I'm starting this pregnancy with 1/3 less of a cervix than a "typical" woman. I also basically have no external opening of the cervix (the portion of cervix at the top of the vagina) as that is where all of the procedures have been done. This means if we did not do the TAC and my cervix did start to shorten and open, a vaginal pursestring-type rescue cerclage could not be done because I have nothing there to stitch up. So we took the aggressive approach and did the TAC to make sure this baby we worked hard to conceive ends up healthy and happy in our arms in June/July. So that's the recap (though more information on our decision, our IVF, our previous losses, can be found in previous posts.)

On to today - I am one sore lady. Holy crap! I am moving a little better today though so that's good news. I retained a LOT of water weight in the hospital and as of this morning I'm almost 8 pounds less than I weighed the night I got home from the hospital. So I think getting rid of that extra fluid and gas I was retaining is helping me move a little easier. The incision looks fine and my plan of fruits & other high fiber foods, tons of water, and a nightly stool softener these first couple of nights has worked wonders to combat the usual problem of constipation that I have following surgeries and Percocet. Thank goodness because I don't think I could handle that on top of the pain I'm experiencing. I was able to sleep on my side for a little while last night and that's a first since the surgery. Previously I'd only been able to sleep on my back because any other position was excruciating.

So today it's just more of the same - high fiber foods, tons of water, resting, walking around the house, using my breathing thingamajig, and doing my coughing (I really, really hate that one.) I'm also going to attempt to go without the Percocet today. I'll give Tylenol a try once I need help with the pain today and we'll see if that is good enough. And we'll celebrate the milestone of reaching 13 weeks today...so exciting!!

12w6d - Recap of TAC surgery (long post)

The surgery is done and it was a success. Baby did great! I got home last night but didn't have the energy to write my post here as I knew it would be a long one. So here goes...

Monday
We arrived at the hospital in Camden at 5:20am and at 5:30am we were escorted up to the surgerical waiting area. The hospital common areas and waiting areas were very nice (and after our frequent hospital visits in 2010, we figured we're qualified to compare them.) After getting my ID bracelets and signing my life away, they took 8 or 9 of us patients with their family member from the waiting area and moved us all to the pre-op curtained areas. There we waited awhile but eventually met with nurses, anesthesiologists, the nurse anesthetist, our doctor and more I can't remember, where I repeated answers to the same questions asked many times over (ok with me though, I'm happy to make sure everyone is on the same page.) They put in my IV and put me in this purple paper-ish gown. In all of my surgeries I've never seen this type of gown but it has air vents in it (think vaccuum cleaner bag.) In the pre-op and operating room, they hook up a machine to the gown and it blows warm air into the gown to keep you toasty warm. Interesting idea and quite pleasant really as pre-op and the OR are always chilly. At around 7:45am I kissed and hugged DH goodbye and the nurse anesthetist walked me into the operating room.

Once in the OR, I listened to nurses and surg techs do their inventory of equipment for a couple of minutes and then it was time to get my spinal. Like I mentioned in a previous post, I'd never had one before so I was a little nervous about this. I sat on the table and leaned against the nurse anesthetist (CRNA), curving my back into a C while the anesthesiologist first numbed my back with a local anesthetic and then did the spinal. I was expecting it to hurt more than it actually did, but it was only slightly uncomfortable. As they were laying me back down on the table I could already feel my legs getting warm and heavy. Then came the prickly feeling and oh, I did not like that one bit! As they were putting inflatable booties on my legs to help prevent blood clots, I had that prickly sensation you get when your foot falls asleep - ouch! I asked the CRNA if this feeling would eventually go away and thankfully she was right - it did go away. They warned me that I may feel tugging or pulling during the surgery and if it got unbearable I should let them know and they would knock me out. Oh hell, that really got my nerves on edge. But in the end I couldn't feel a thing from the ribs down. I could see Dr D and the OB/GYN assisting him wiping my abdominal area clean and prepping the area but I couldn't feel it at all.

They put in a catheter (thank goodness they did this after the spinal - catheters freak me out) and hooked me up to a bunch of monitors. They put an oxygen mask on me and to help relax me they gave me some propofol. Not enough to knock me out because me being awake and conscious would be best for the baby, but just enough to relax me. It really did help because once I lost feeling of everything ribs down, I did feel quite anxious. I just kept breathing deeply to keep myself calm. Before surgery started they did a quick ultrasound to show me the baby - there he/she was kicking and stretching, moving all around. That glimpse of baby was all I needed to distract me for the remainder of the surgery. They put the curtain up over my chest so I couldn't see what was happening but I remained awake for the procedure.

That air-vented gown came in handy in more than one way in the OR. Not only did it keep the top third of my body toast warm, it blocked out sound. I was thankful for that because as much as I like to document things, I really didn't want to hear "scalpel" or other surgical terms when I know it's my body they're cutting open. I could hear the docs ask each other how their New Year's were before they started the surgery but after that I distracted myself pretty well. I did talk to the CRNA at times during the surgery - she was very comforting and encouraging - and she was located right next to my head so she was the only one I could see the whole time. Once they'd finished placing the TAC and before they closed me up, they said "there's your baby's heartbeat" and I looked over to the left. They'd rolled the u/s screen over and there was our baby, h/b flickering away beautifully. Now, I could really relax - the baby had made it through just fine even after they had to shift the uterus out of the way to place the TAC. Thank God!

They closed me up and wrapped my abdomen up tightly in a binder, calculated my blood loss (negligible), and unhooked me from all of the machines. When it came time to move me onto a stretcher, wow, my legs felt like tree trunks. What a weird sensation to not feel anything. They did some fancy rolling of my body and voila, I'm on the stretcher headed to the recovery room. I arrived there at 9:30am and about an hour later they brought DH into see me. I must say it was really nice to be in recovery and not be all groggy like you experience when coming out of general anesthesia. I was perfectly alert and aware and happy to see my hubby. DH was only allowed to stay for about 5 minutes but it was great to share in our excitement and relief. He'd spoken with Dr D shortly before coming in to see me so he knew things went well. Then I waited and waited and waited. I was not waiting for hospital staff mind you. I was waiting for my body to be able to wiggle a single toe. I'd be able to leave the recovery area and go to my room once I could wiggle a toe. Every 5-10 minutes I tried like hell, but damn it, nothing would move! Finally at 12:30pm, the big toe on my right foot wiggled and I was sent up to the mother/baby floor of the hospital.

Once in my room (thankfully a private one), they did vitals, put on the inflatable booties to help prevent blood clots in the legs, and I waited for DH to get there. I wanted to sleep but I still couldn't - all that adrenaline I guess. DH did visit for awhile and I made a couple phone calls. At 4:30 dinner arrived - I was suddenly starving - and my clear liquid dinner was delicious. I'm serious. I loved my chicken broth, apple juice, and orange water ice (I passed on the jello and tea.) That evening they also gave me a breathing thingamajig to use - I had to inhale deeply a few times every hour and make sure some plastic thing inside it rose appropriately. They also gave me a folded blanket to put on my abdomen while I coughed. I was supposed to do a few good deep coughs each hour and holy shit that really hurt! But both the breathing thing and the coughing are supposed to help with recovery. By 8:30pm the effects of the spinal had finally worn off, I could feel both legs and all toes without any tingles, and the pain meds they used with my spinal were just not cutting it so I got my first dose of painkillers, Dilaudid. Unfortunately that only gave about 1.5 hours of relief so that night I slept in 1.5 hour blocks and spent 2.5 hours trying to get comfortable before I requested more pain meds. The rest of the night went on with that same pattern. The nurse only came in for vitals every few hours to try to let me sleep but I really wasn't able to sleep much anyways...not surprised.

Tuesday
After sleeping very little I finally just turned on the TV at 5:30am and looked forward to breakfast. I really just wanted a cup of decaf coffee and maybe a little fruit or whole wheat toast. Imagine my disappointment when I saw my tray of clear liquid diet arrive. Ah well, at least it's something I thought, my poor stomach growling away. I had 1/2 a cup of tea, the apple juice, and the orange water ice (I tell you that orange water ice was delicious!) and skipped the chicken broth and jello. Then I waited to be given permission to get out of bed and start walking. All morning I waited and waited, shifting uncomfortably in my bed as I watched the clock tick, tick, tick. Lunch came around 11: 30 and yep, clear liquid diet again. UGH!! This time I partook in the chicken broth, grape juice (pleasant change from the apple juice), my delicious orange water ice, and some hot water with lemon. At this point too, I'd gone about 7 hours without painkillers (I was holding off as long as possible) but I needed some, so we switched to Percocet.

At 12:15 we got word from the doctor that my catheter could come out and I could get out of bed. WOO-HOO!! (We also got word that I could now have regular food, but I was full from my liquid lunch and decided I'd just have regular food for dinner.) The catheter came out (momentary ouch and then ahhhh, relief) and I sat up on the side of the bed (longer, more painful ouch.) As I put on some hospital issued panties, my doctor and a med student shadowing him came to my room. We walked to the u/s room together - me, my nurse carrying my IV, my doc, and my med student. I slowly and painfully got up on the table and they did a transvaginal u/s. They could see the abdominal cerclage (looks great) but they could not see cervix below it. Apparently I had a great deal of bowel gas and a surprisingly full bladder interfering with their view. At my next appointment the week of the 17th, things should be much calmer for my insides and we should be able to get a better view of the cervix. My concern though was the baby - did it have any stress after the surgery? Did the painkillers do anything harmful? And of course I could not see the u/s screen while they looked around. But then Dr D told the u/s tech "Turn on the sound so she can hear her baby's heartbeat." Ahhh...that sound that instantly put a smile on my face.

Doc said if I felt good when he stopped by at the end of the day, I could go home that night, YAY!! So I spent the afternoon sitting up in a chair in my room and walking around the floor of the hospital. I probably over-did my walking a little, because by 4:30pm I was ready for another painkiller. 4:30 was also dinner time. Dinner was not great by any means but I had a little turkey, mashed potatoes, applesauce, and finally had my cup of decaf coffee. Ahhhhh. No more liquid diet. By 5:50pm, the doctor had come to see me, signed my discharge papers, and gave me a big hug.

DH and our dog picked me up in front of the hospital at about 6:40pm and we drove to CVS to pick up my painkillers and some gas pills. I think a lot of yesterday's pain was from all that gas. We got home just before 8pm and I took a gas pill and a stool softener and ate some fruit salad I'd made Sunday night. Then around 9pm I took one painkiller and went to bed. I was out like a light. It was a pretty painful night though. I woke up often and every time I tried to get out of bed to go to the bathroom I yelled out in pain (poor DH cringed every time he heard me yell.) Long night, but happy to be home.

Wednesday
Today it's SLOW going. I'm in a LOT of pain today. Getting up from sitting or laying position is the worst followed closely by any movement whatsoever. But I know moving around is helpful so I'm walking around the house 2-3 times/hour. Coughing is terrible as is blowing my nose. I should be able to drive in 2 weeks or as the doctor said - I can drive once I can stand on the bottom stair and jump off of the step with both feet at the same time and land without pain. Lord knows I'm not going to be trying that anytime soon...the thought alone makes me shudder. I'll go back to see the doctor on Monday to remove my staples...all 22 of them, OUCH!! Normally he said he'd remove them after 3 days but my abdomen skin is a little "beat up" from having kids and my previous abdominal surgery. In other words, it's just a pile of mushy skin. :-) So we'll leave my staples in a bit longer.

So here are a couple of pictures.

Here's the little one on Tuesday. What a relief to see he/she was ok after the surgery and night of pain I'd had.



And here's my incision with it's 22 staples. The "waffly" pattern above the incision is from the binder they had on me. To the side & above are scars from puncture marks from previous laparoscopic surgeries. And below are just a boatload of old stretch marks. I like to call my stomach Rand McNally after the road atlas.



So that's how my TAC surgery went. Overall, it was excellent. The pain sucks, but it's expected. The staff at Our Lady of Lourdes Medical Center in Camden was excellent. And Dr George Davis is amazing. We're so thankful for him and for our family & friends who have been cheering and praying for us. I'll check back in during the week to let you know how the recovery is going but now it's time to yell as I get up and walk around the house a little. :-)

12w4d - Surgery morning

It's 4:20 am. I've showered and brushed my teeth and have had nothing to eat or drink since before midnight. And while I tried desperately to sleep, it was to no avail. From 10pm-3am I tossed and turned and turned and tossed. By 3:01am, I finally gave up and watched an episode of Law & Order SVU. I'd been watching a marathon of it last night and was happy to see the marathon was still going on in the wee hours of the morning. My only regret is that I didn't turn the TV on hours ago instead of torturing myself with trying to sleep. Note to self: next time you have insomnia, just watch TV.

So now I'm watching DH eat his breakfast, oh that bagel looks really good, and then it's time to hit the road to the hospital. Later, my friends.

12w3d - Bundle of nerves

Today has been a tough day. Tomorrow is my TAC surgery and I feel like my nerves are frayed down to the last fiber. The world feels like a giant rubber band just waiting to snap. DH just took pups to be boarded for the night since we have to be at the hospital before his camp opens for daycare and I nearly started crying saying goodbye to the dog. Oh, heavens!

Earlier today the freezer, or rather the frozen food within it, became victims of my nerve frayed rampage. I'd gone grocery shopping today to stock up on fruits, veggies, and other high fiber foods for when I come home from the hospital. As I stuffed items into the freezer a few things started falling out on me. This pissed me off enough to throw everything onto the floor in a rage, yelling the whole time. DH wisely stepped away from the violent scene of Amanda v. frozen waffles and turkey burgers and came back to console me after I'd cried for a good 10 minutes or so. Was I upset at the falling frozen foods? No, but my emotions were on edge so badly I just couldn't take it another second.

Thankfully the day has improved slightly though I'm still sick to my stomach with nervousness. I've been knocked out for procedures over 20 times and I've had 13 surgeries in my life - but never have I been nervous like this. Of course all of those times, it was just me on that operating table. But this time it's me and little baby Alvarez. I know we're in good hands. I know this will give us the best possible chance of carrying the baby to term. And I know deep down that we're going to be just fine but hard as I try, I just can't tell my nerves to calm down. Hopefully tonight I'll find enough calmness to help me sleep until 4am when we have to wake up and get ready.

Well, it might be a couple days until I'm back online. Hopefully I'll only have to stay at the hospital 1 night, but it could be longer. So I'll post again once I'm home and will let you know how everything went. Any prayers and positive thoughts coming through the universe are welcome and greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!

12w2d - Happy New Year!!!

Happy New Year to all of my blog readers! 2010 sure was a roller coaster of a year - 2 pregnancies that resulted in 2 losses requiring 2 emergency surgeries and then the amazing (and expensive) world of IVF resulting in this pregnancy that looks to be going wonderfully. Roller coaster is an understatement really and I'm exhausted at the thought of all we've been through this year. But my last day of 2010 was very nice and relaxed. Was up visiting my folks at the farm and my DD came out for the day. I went with DD to her maternity photo shoot which was soooo fun! She was all preggo belly and smiles. Today though, I'm back on the road again to get home to my hubby and puppy.

Back on my 2010 recap, because we spent sooo much on medical expenses this year, we should be able to use that to our advantage on our taxes for 2010. We can deduct any allowable medical expenses that exceed 7.5% of our adjusted gross income. Mileage to/from the various medical appointments is also allowed, though for 2010 I did read that the IRS decreased the mileage amount to 16.5 cents per mile. Regardless, according to the handy dandy spreadsheet I've been keeping that lists every doctor appointment, every trip to pick up prescriptions, etc for the year, we drove 1200.6 miles for medical reasons. We also spent $14386 on medical expenses (GULP) the bulk of that being the IVF cycle & meds. Hopefully then we'll see some benefit from the cash we plunked over in our tax return. And I must say we are extremely thankful that we didn't bury ourselves in loans or other debts to make this pregnancy happen...PHEW!!

Yesterday, I spoke with the doctor about our b/w results from our first trimester screening. Everything looks very good. My "age related" risk of Down's was about 1:77 but my first trimester blood work however puts our odds at 1:1100 which are much better odds so I'm happy with those results.

So again, Happy New Year and I'll check back in tomorrow night to report on how I'm feeling the eve before surgery.