Approximately 39 hours until we're due to report to the hospital - AWESOME!!
The weekend has been largely uneventful for the most part. My Saturday started off with a scare as my power steering went out while I was driving home from completing errands. I pulled into the library parking lot to pop the hood of my car and saw my power steering fluid was empty. And when I looked under the car, I saw the last bits of power steering fluid dripping onto my front tire and the pavement so it was obvious that something blew out. Thank goodness for Tires Plus right around the corner from our house. I strong-arm steered my car there and thankfully they could get my car in yesterday and fix it. Giant phew!! Then DH & I spent the rest of the day cleaning so I guess we had another round of nesting happening. Laundry, dusting, scrubbing the kitchen, bathtub, toilet, sinks, etc. all got done. Then we had an early dinner at Friday's and settled in for the night.
DH also helped me through a yucky meltdown late last night. I won't go into my usual level of great detail here into why the topic came up because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or make certain people uncomfortable or upset. That's definitely NOT what I want to do. But to loosely broach the subject, ever since I was a kid I've had a great deal of anxiety in certain social situations. I'm actually a pretty shy person. I always have been (though most people who know me would never believe this) and I get myself so worked up before certain social situations, I may worry about a gathering or visit for days beforehand, perhaps even weeks. I may spend hours in my mind playing the "what if" game over and over. It's not a pleasant experience whatsoever. I hate it!
It's not even that I only experience this anxiety with strangers. In fact, I actually have a much easier time with strangers than I do with people I know. In my younger years I would experience this uneasieness and anxiety before going to friends' birthday parties or school functions and even more so before holiday gatherings with extended family. Now mind you, it doesn't always happen and over the years I've gotten better at keeping the anxiety at bay, but it still can sneak up on me and make me get my panties in a bunch over nothing. One of the personal benefits of my job over the last 3.5 years was that it forced me to find ways to deal with my anxiety. Walking into a room of attendees at a client's training, taking control of the room to teach, and making small talk with attendees during breaks and lunch all helped me become more comfortable with myself and helped change how I reacted when anxiety arose in a social situation. I can sometimes use what I've learned over the years to help me through a situation and sometimes I just can't.
So back to last night - rather than focusing on the joy that Tuesday will bring as we meet our daughter, I spent a good amount of the evening worrying about certain social interactions that will occur after Maribel arrives. To try to combat this, I meditated to try to clear my mind of the ridiculous worry and negative feelings this anxiety was bringing me. When that didn't help I prayed. I'm not a super religious person but I do feel like it helped somewhat at calming my feelings and gave me an outlet to admit that I need some guidance in getting through the negative feelings. Then breaking down in tears and talking it through with DH really got me through the rest of my muck. I felt TONS better after our conversation as DH was not only a great comfort but he had logical responses to my worries and concerns. And when dealing with anxiety, where I know my thoughts or worries aren't logical whatsoever, to have a logical, reasonable voice counter each of my ridiculous worries really helped. So once again, my thanks go out to DH. Oh, how I love you.
For whatever reason - whether it was all that cleaning yesterday or the emotional exhaustion from last night's anxiety fest, today I was beat. My dog & I napped almost the whole afternoon away. And even after napping, I'm still just soooo tired! I'm glad I took advantage of this lazy Sunday since it will probably be my last lazy Sunday for a long, long time. And I may as well rest up today because I have a feeling that I'll get very little sleep tomorrow night.
So I'll leave you for now and I'll report back in tomorrow - my last full day of pregnancy. I'll do a final belly shot, a final weigh-in, and we'll grab the tape measure to see how big around my waistline is. I haven't done that yet this pregnancy and I'm anxious to see how big around I am currently (my belly is now actually hitting the bottom of my steering wheel when I drive so it's no small belly, that's for sure!)
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