19w3d - Comparisons and cows

Well, my grandbaby is NOT yet here. DD was sent home from the hospital last night since she wasn't progressing past 5cm. Poor thing was soooo upset and who can blame her! But at 6:12am this morning I got a text that she was back at the hospital and moving along nicely. YES!! At 8:20 I got a text that they just broke her water. YES, YES!! So things are cooking nicely and I'm anxiously awaiting that text or call that says that Madison has arrived. Oh, the suspense! I keep checking for missed calls or texts on my phone even though the ringer is on high and the phone is literally 1 foot from my body. Anxious anyone??


So today I'm going to vent about something else. There was a hilarious (and unfortunately true) article this past week on Yahoo Shine about unwelcome parenting advice and it also included unwanted advice for a pregnant mama. Typically I hear advice and do one of two things - ignore it because I don't agree with it or make a spot for it in the memory banks because I think it's good advice. But sometimes I try to ignore advice and can't quite ignore it completely because it ticks me off.

I'm venting today about two pieces of pregnancy advice I got from a family member that just rubbed me the wrong way. I'm sure it was well meaning and perhaps it's just pregnancy hormones making me take it personally, but in both cases I'm being compared to my also pregnant SIL (who I love dearly as if she were my own sister.) So lets travel back to December when I got my first piece of unwelcome (ok, just plain annoying) advice...


Scene 1: Cold December day, visiting with DD and another family member. Enjoying a cup of tea and a game of gin rummy with DD

Me: Well, so far I've gained 3.5 pounds. (Author's note: I was 12 weeks at this time.)
Family Member: That's good. If you can just stay at that weight for the rest of your pregnancy you'll be all set.
Me: WHAT??? You're not serious, are you?? I'm supposed to go another 26 weeks at this same weight?
Family Member: Well sure. They say it's not really necessary to gain weight while you're pregnant. And it's just so hard to lose it afterwards. I was even on Weight Watchers during my pregnancy with xx.
Me: Well, I highly doubt I'd be able to go 26 more weeks without gaining any weight. As you know, I tend to put on weight pretty easily.
Family Member: Well [insert SIL's name here] hasn't gained any weight yet. (Author's note: She's about 8 weeks ahead of me.)
Me: [Insert heavy sigh] Well, I'm not her.

Now SIL knows about this conversation and she was annoyed that this family member would even compare us like that and tell me I shouldn't gain anymore weight. It's really a moot point too, because I have in fact gained more weight. My total is now about 10 pounds. QUICK, someone call the kitchen police to lock me out! (I'm sure I'll get the "talking to" by the doc this week too after I step on the scale, but hey I'll give him family member's phone number and they can figure out what to do with me.)

Scene 2: This morning on the phone with said family member.

Family Member: [Insert SIL's name here] has been able to get her sugars under control (Author's note: she was recently diagnosed with gestational diabetes.) She now exercises 30 minutes after each meal and it's really helped.
Me: Oh, that's great!
Family Member: Maybe you could start doing that too. Just exercise 30 minutes after each meal. That would probably help you.
Me: [Insert pause and heavy sigh and think - help me with what?]
Family Member: Especially since you sit at a computer all day.
Me: Um, yeah, we'll see. I kinda need to talk to my doctor first since I've been having cramping and pressure on my cervix if I'm up moving around for 30 minutes or more.

Do I have gestational diabetes? No. Was I asking anyone about a new exercise program to start? No. Was this suggestion to keep me fit and trim like SIL and keep me from turning into a cow by July? Probably so. Now I know that it's possible she didn't hear me when I mentioned the previous weekend how I get really crampy after walking for awhile. And I know deep down she just doesn't want to see me struggle with taking off the weight next summer. But I have no intention of adding 90 minutes of exercise to my day.

Because these pieces of advice make me feel like I'm a good for nothing bum that sits on her couch all day eating bon-bons and gaining weight, I do feel the need to say: I do walk my dog anywhere from 3-5 times a day (generally 10-15 minutes each walk), I do laundry, I clean the house, I cook the meals and do the dishes, I take the garbage and recycleables out, I do the grocery shopping etc. Now, that you know I don't just loaf all day and all night, can I just enjoy this pregnancy without feeling like I have to live up to someone else?

Sure can, until the next comparison comes around. ;-)